What a Difference a Day (or 5) Makes!!!!

I learned something about myself this week! It has made a HUGE difference in my life. I have been quite discouraged with myself lately, as I'm sure you can tell in some of my previous posts. I have been trying to read James E. Talmage's Jesus the Christ for the last few months. It is an amazing book and I am almost through with it. As I was reading about the parable of the 10 Virgins, it struck me in a way that it never has before. Yes, I have heard that parable dozens if not hundreds of time. For the first time ever, I was actually able to apply it to my life. I realized that I have been trying to fill my vessel with oil all of my life. I have earnestly sought to be the type of servant the Savior would have me be. However, I HATE to see people hurting, angry with me, or upset for any reason. Recently, I think I gave ALL of my extra oil away and was left without any for myself. In so doing, I realized I would no longer be worthy to enter with the bridegroom when he comes and neither would anyone that I thought I was helping. We each need to prepare ourselves and then we can be able to help others. Don't get me wrong here. I am SOOO grateful for my life's experiences, I'm just thankful I have been able to learn something from them!

This realization hit me one day last week when one of the mothers of a student in my class was furious with me because I would not "bend the rules" for her son and allow him to turn in his work late. (I had the report cards IN MY HAND but she didn't think it was fair that her child wouldn't get credit for work he had done.) I explained it to her 3 different times. Finally, I talked to my principal and asked what more I should or could do. He told me to not talk with her about it again. Basically, the case was closed. I was sick to my stomach. I HATE having people upset with me and I will generally do whatever I can to remedy that.

For the first time in my life I realized that I cannot control how people feel about me. Whether or not they are happy, angry, frustrated, or whatever with me, that is THEIR choice. No, that does not mean that I am going to change my personality and not care about helping others, but that does mean that I am going to do whatever it takes for me to fill my lamp once again, and then help others to the extent that I can--not giving so much of myself that I no longer know who I am and what I am supposed to be doing. This has been one of the most amazing A-HA moments I have ever experienced. I am so grateful for the Spirit of the Lord that I feel in my life that helps me recognize the teaching moments I need for myself!!!!!!